照顧者與被照顧者的相互依存

在讀一本關於照顧的書，讀到一篇由哲學家Eva Feder Kittay所著的When Caring is Just and Justice is Caring，有很深的共鳴，特別將其中一段翻譯成中文，希望跟各位分享，讓我們作為照顧者能更好的了解自己跟被照顧者的關係。

「對於我女兒Sesha來說，最高程度的依賴將會是她存在的一部份，但這種依賴並不會否定某種互相依存：我也依賴她。Sesha和她的幸福對我十分重要。她的微笑趕走我日常生活中讓人分心的瑣事，她的擁抱讓我能專注於重要和珍貴的事物上。她的成長、技能發展及她因自己的成就而驕傲像我的工作一樣滋養著我。我在別處寫道：如我說我依賴女兒的程度如女兒依賴我，或許我有點自欺欺人，但也許不是。其他人能照顧她，甚至愛她。事實上，我一定要能夠想像她就算沒有我在身旁也能活得很好。但沒有了她，我會枯萎。寫那段文字去承認我依賴她更甚於她依賴我，對我來說是一個頓悟。

雖然我女兒永遠都不能成為一個「有生產力的人」或對社會作出有重大價值的回饋，她的貢獻是重要的。她的甜美綻放，充實了她接觸的每一個人和每一個願意讓她感動的人。沒有了她充裕旺盛的愛，世界會變成一個差一點的地方。我正在寫一本又一本的著作，去記下我從她身上學到的一切。」

摘自Eva Feder Kittay所著的When Caring is Just and Justice is Caring: Justice and Mental Retardation

For my daughter dependence of the most profound sort will be part of her normal existence. But such dependence does not preclude a certain form of mutual dependence. I depend on her as well. Sesha and her well-being are essential to my own. Her smile chases away the trivial distractions of the day. Her embrace grounds me in what is important and precious. Watching her grow and develop skills and take pride in her accomplishments nurtures me as much as my own work. In another place I’ve written: “It’s perhaps self-delusional to say that I am as dependent on her as she is on me, but perhaps not. Others could take care of her and even love her – in fact, I must think that she will continue to thrive with or without me. But without her, I would wither” (Kittay, 2000b). Writing that passage, acknowledging that I was even more dependent on her than she on me, was itself a moment of discovery. 

Although my daughter can never be “productive” or pay back to society anything of material value, still her contributions are great. Her sweetness radiates and enriches the lives of everyone she touches, those who allow themselves to be touched by her. Without her abundant and exuberant love, the world would be a more dismal place. I am only beginning to fill volumes with what I have learned from her.

Eva Feder Kittay in When Caring is Just and Justice is Caring: Justice and Mental Retardation

Kittay, E., & Feder, E. (2002). The subject of care : Feminist perspectives on dependency (Feminist constructions). Lanham, Md.: Rowman & Littlefield.